MASON has been cast in a newly-discovered, never-before-seen play by the world-class absurdist LaSalle Montclare.
On the first day of rehearsal, he learns that Montclare’s estate is insisting the play be performed exactly as Montclare wrote it. Not a word can
be changed.
Problem is, Montclare was a terrible typist. Which is why the play opens with Mason holding his costar at gunpoint and saying, “I’ve got a bun.”
Mason can’t believe they’re going to perform the play as written, typos and all, but JOHN, his director,
says the estate will pull production rights if they don’t.
And Mason is even more astounded when he hears that his next line is “Come out or I’ll hoot.”
Montclare worked on a typewriter, in the pre-computer age. Was he the brilliant satirist his legacy claims he was...
or just a lousy typist?
1M / 1W
The 10-minute version of MARK MY WORMS.
VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS
Lawyer Roger Ellis (30s) arrives at Mrs. Mendelson’s (90s) door with a document from her husband, Julius,
demanding she stop contacting him.
Imagine John’s surprise when he learns Julius is dead.
Seems that Julius, wanting to teach his wife a lesson, and arranged this legal action before he died.
And Roger’s coworkers, knowing he has a personal hatred of mediums, gave him this job as a joke.
It would all be so simple if Mrs. Mendelson agreed to stop contacting Julius.
But she won’t because she doesn’t know how to program her VDR to record programs in advance.
So Roger has to return the next day, with another legal document.
Which is when he’s told that Mrs. Mendelson’s is talking not only to Julius, but also Roger’s dead mother.
“Who, by the way, wants to know did you ever marry that nice girl you were seeing? Yvette.”
Roger knows Mrs. Mendelson can’t be in contact with the dead.
Then why, each time he returns with yet another legal document, does she know more and more about his childhood?
1 W / 1 M
The 10-minute version of JUST ASKING
At a press conference, President Trump announces his newest executive order:
He’s deleting x from the alphabet. “It’s time to make the American language great again.”
This will create jobs, get rid of foreign prefixes like ex-, and, perhaps best of all,
nothing will ever again have to be explained to the American people.
Of course it also means he’ll never be an excellent, exceptional, or extraordinary president,
he won’t excel, and he won’t be extolled or exalted.
It is possible he didn’t completely think this through?
“Who knew the American language was so complicated?”
3 M OR: 2 M / 1 W OR: 1 M / 2 W
LESTER loves his guns. He has his own firing range in back of his house and he’s the head of his state’s NRA chapter.
Too bad his nearest neighbor, ROBERT, doesn’t feel the same way.
They’ve had major differences regarding Second-Amendment gun rights over the years.
Which is why Lester is less-than-pleased to find Robert at his front door one day.
But Robert isn’t here to have another argument about gun rights.
Quite the opposite - he’s here to tell Lester that he’s been won over: Everyone has the right to own a weapon for self-defense.
And Robert has just acquired his weapon of choice - Anthrax.
2M
