THE MALTESE FRENCHMAN is a 6-character, 1-set, full-length comedy about the glory of dreams - and their conflict with reality.

JOHN DeJANIS (early 30s) is a struggling writer who adds glamour to his life through a fantasy persona based on his favorite film character - the Fat Man, in The Maltese Falcon. But who wants to be fat? So John has created “The Frenchman”: a powerful, mysterious figure who speaks with a French accent.

When he comes into a little extra money, John decides to become The Frenchman for one day. He even goes so far as to hire
an “operative”, MAGGIE, an actress who's as much a dreamer as John is.

But today of all days another woman (re)renters John's life: ELISE, the materialistic princess he used to live with. Elise has no use
for John's “stupid games” and neither does her fiancé, JERRY THE ACCOUNTANT, who perceives everything in terms of money.

The other two characters are DANCER, John's flaky neighbor, whose bizarre life inspires the confession stories John secretly writes to pay his rent. Dancer has finally met “MR. RIGHT,” whom she's just picked up in the park. A large, high-energy kind of guy,
Right travels with a Greek Chorus only he can hear, and is “on a day pass”. (Whether from the army or a mental hospital,
isn't quite clear...)

These six people come into conflict when they come to believe John is in possession of a 20-pound gold frog worth over $500,000. Everyone wants the frog, while John just wants to be The Frenchman for the day.

His refusal to give up his fantasy (or his French accent, which is driving Jerry crazy) takes unexpected serious turns,
and as things become increasingly complicated (developing an uncanny resemblance to The Maltese Falcon),
it becomes très clear that only one person can straighten everything out.

That is...The Frenchman!

Finalist - 1992-93 National Repertory Theatre Foundation NATIONAL PLAY AWARD
               (10 Finalists chosen from 850 scripts)

Maggie's Monlogue published in
Audition Monologs for Student Actors II
Meriwether Publishing, Colorado Springs, CO

"I'm an Actress" (Maggie's Monolgue) is now available on The Monologue Bank.

One additional male character appears for about one minute; he can be played by the actor who portrays JERRY.
Early 30’s.
Attractive, quick-thinking, playful.
Early 30’s.
Not unattractive, if you can get past her
materialism, constant whine, and The Sneer.
Late 20s.
Attractive outside and in.
Something warm and wonderful emanates
from her.
Early 20s.
Liable to do or say anything.
Early 40s.
Short, balding, perhaps a slight paunch.
He's an accountant.
Late 20's--Early 30's.
Handsome. At least 6 feet tall.
A large, high-energy guy whose size
and apparently-tenuous grip on reality
could make him dangerous.
If he wants to be.
Cary Pepper